Regan McKenzie (spiritswalkbyme) wrote,
Regan McKenzie
spiritswalkbyme

Somedays I wonder what my life would have been like. If I had never met Jarko. What would my life have been like if I hadn't been raised around vampires?

Fell in love with a vampire? Sometimes I wonder. And I hate myself for that.

When I was fifteen years old, I remember a conversation that I shared with Danica. I foolishly thought myself in love with Jarko, and would be supremely jealous whenever he and one of his vampire tramps would make fools of themselves in front of me. I know now he did that to prove a point to me, to show me that he wasn't the right one for me.

Still Danica had called me into her office, and I went. She told me that humans and vampires might be able to exist together, might even be able to be somewhat friends. But that a relationship between humans and vampires was doomed to failure before it even got off the ground.

She told me that they weren't nice. They weren't cuddly bunnies with fangs, that they killed and they had no conscious, no guilt. That to them, humans would always be the lesser species. And that I needed to acknowledge that fact quickly.

I've remained with Drake for ten years. From the first time I saw him, I always found myself drawn to him. I don't know what it was, either his mere prescence, or how he was with Zoe.

Five years into our pseudo relationship, I shelved my feelings. That was shortly after our first fight. I know he's never said I was mere cattle. But I also know that's what he thinks of me, and while it hurts. I remain.

I remain just as much for him as I do for Zoe.

Zoe, the daughter I never had, the daughter I will never have. I've seen that girl grow from a scared eight year old to a beautiful poised eightteen year old. And I'm so proud of her.

Now, now I'm questioning my own existance. What comes after this? When Zoe no longer needs me? When I outlive my usefulness? I like living, and I'm scared to die.
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